The New Yorker
Forthcoming!
Reductress
I Pass the Bechdel Test Everyday If You Don’t Count Bigfoot as a Man
How to Do a Smokey Eye Look So Dark It Reads on a Scantron Machine
How to Trust Men Even Though One Direction Said They Were Just Taking a Hiatus (Headline Only)
Uh Oh! These Coworkers Talked Too Much And Now They Have to Have Indoor Recess (Headline Only)
“I’m in My Graham Crackers Era” Says Woman Experiencing Nine Different Nutrient Deficiencies
How to Act So Goddamn Clueless That a Tall, Kind Man Just Takes You In (Headline Only)
I Just Heard A British Person Say “Goose Pimples.” Here’s Why I’m Burning Down Buckingham Palace. (Headline Only)
“Shakespeare Is Actually Really Funny” Says Woman Who Needs to Watch TV (Headline Only)
Jesus Take the Wheel? Jesus is Grating My Parmigiano Reggiano
I Ate Only McDonald’s for a Month and Now I Look Better Than Ever and Everybody Wants to Be My Friend (Headline Only)
X Chic Housewarming Gifts for When You Get Added to a Close Friends Story (Headline Only)
Self-care Queen! This Woman Fell Asleep at the Wheel
REPORT: Dad Just Doesn’t Give You Big T-Shirts to Wear as a Smock Anymore (Headline Only)
How to Forgive the Girl You Were When You Didn’t Buy a Little Snack (Headline Only)
How to Decide What to Eat When No One is Sending You a Little Parachute Basket, Hunger Games Style (Headline Only)
Running Shorts Purchased in Eighth Grade Still Regular Part of Summer Clothing Rotation (Headline Only)
Diversity Win! England Has a Boy Queen Now
‘Slay,’ Woman Mutters Absently to Dog Taking a Shit
QUIZ: Which Hadid Sister’s Horse Are You? (Headline Only)
Why I’m Waiting to Get a Driver’s License Until Gay People Can Get One, Too (Headline Only)
My Boyfriend and I Happily Moved to Splitsville, But Everyone Thinks We Broke Up (Headline Only)
Which Sprouse Twin’s Mischievous Aura Are You? (Headline Only)
“I Should Write a Novel,” Says Woman Who Has Not Read a Novel Since Middle School
“I Love Scary Movies!” Says Woman Who Just Likes the Part of Jennifer’s Body Where They Kiss
Why I’m Having Kids So I Have Someone to Blame If My Makeup Looks Kind of Bad (Headline Only)
I Tried to Give Up Twitter, But There’s Nowhere Else I Can Say I Want Jacob Elordi to Put Me in His Purse (Headline Only)
Woman Nominated for Oscar for Performance of “Oh He’s CUTE” Upon Seeing Picture of Guy (Headline Only)